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My Big Redneck Wedding- Emily and Eric

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I’ve got a cold you guys. Nothing’s funny when you have a cold because when you’re all of a sudden a mouth breather you can either breathe or you can laugh, but you can’t do both.

Welcome to Worden, Montana. And ohmigawd Eric just pulled his Chevy over to pick up roadkill. And then he smelled it!!! I have a feeling that this just might be the most awesome MBRW evah!!! Emily looks appropriately grossed out and announces his activity as “fucking gross.” Also, I think she’s the cutest redneck bride this show has ever had.

Why Do I Love Thee?

Emily is 21 and Eric is 22. They met back in high school and he was a redneck and she was a Montana punk rocker with the liberty spikes in her hair and safety pin body jewelry.  He was not her type at all, but apparently he was because she’s no longer rocking the bad attitude and awesome hair. Instead she’s engaged to marry a fishin’, huntin’, carcass sniffing, skull collecting redneck who is also fond of raccoon penis bones. She says it’s because raccoon penis bones are ivory, and in a minute I’m going to google that because really?  We get a shot of them shooting guns and Eric moseys over to the barbed wire fence and sniffs some rotting piece of hide.

We’re in someone’s kitchen and Eric’s rinsing the brains out of a skull. I’m grossed out, and then I’m intrigued because I know of no woman who would let a man rinse out animal brains in her sink. In fact, most of the southern women I know – who may or may not be rednecks – are so very anal about the state of their kitchens, that no man would dare consider plopping a skull of any sort in her sparkling sink. My uncle is a fisherman who lives right along the bank of a great fishing lake. My aunt made him install his own “man’s kitchen” on the back porch just in case he was tempted to use hers. Anyway….

It’s time to weld the archway, which per Emily’s design isn’t so much an arch as it is a doorway.  Fortunately, Eric is a welder and gets the job done. After they make the archway it’s time to design their cake. Emily wants tiers and she wants the the supports to be beer cans. Her mother and I are appalled, but then I remember the couple who wanted chocolate shaped horse poop as their top layer and I realize there are worse things that beer cans on a wedding cake. Emily says it’s the one time in her life that she’ll be able to make a beer can pyramid and I’m inserting a PSA about going to college.  Plenty of beer can pyramids there. Also, Emily and Eric are planning to use a handsaw as a cake cutter. Well, that’s new.

Bachelor and Bachelorette Parties!

Eric tells us that he and his boyz are going to go kabrewing down Yellowstone. My husband just reminded me of the time that we went kabrewing down a local river and I am going to wait until he finishes talking about what a good time it was, especially when we pulled the canoe over to have sex on the shore, to remind him that he and I have never been kabrewing. That was his girlfriend prior to me and this will be the third time he’s relayed this story and confused me with her. Because he’s stupid. Anyway, Emily and her girlz are going to get tattoos instead of a traditional bachelorette party. I’m pretty sure I’d rather be kabrewing than getting a tribal horse head tattoo on my leg. Emily is bright red and about to cry, but she likes the end result. If I were into that sort of thing, I’d like it too.

I’m not sure why Eric and his buddy are setting off a miniature cannon, but they are. It’s cool, but why? And now Emily is having Eric weld her some flowers (her bridal bouquet?) out of barbed wire and Copenhagen lids. They’re pretty cool, actually – especially for a former punk rocker. I think given the right opportunities Emily would have been kick ass in art school.

And now Eric’s fishing Yellowstone and he catches one big fish. It’s monster. Like… as tall as Emily. He cuts it open and is all, oooh, lucky me! Caviar. And then he eats it and Emily throws up a little in her mouth, and so do the rest of us. Dude. That wasn’t caviar.

It’s the night before the wedding and Eric and Emily kiss goodnight and she drives away. And… scene.

Weird, huh?

It’s the big day!

Emily’s mom wakes her up and Eric goes over his to-do list. Then we’re helping Emily get dressed. She mentions having forgotten to shave her armpits. Sweetie, that’s not redneck. That’s French. Then we’re setting up the reception area, complete with animal skulls. And finally it’s the wedding proper. Emily has a beautiful gown and her bridesmaids’ gowns are pretty as well. Their dresses have the same slip part, but each one has a different colored sheer fabric covering it. No one, not even the fellas have camouflage. There is not one speck of hunting gear in sight and I am tha-rilled! Emily looks happy as her dad walks her down the aisle and even happier to speak her vows. The wedding ends and some hick guy fires off a cannon which explains why they were playing with explosives before.

It’s reception time and feeling constricted by his tux, Eric has shed it in favor of more casual wear: a dirty t-shirt and shorts and a baseball hat. If I were Emily, I’d be pissed. Unless Emily has changed into daisy dukes and a t-shirt tied at the waist. Anyway, Eric offers his guest some paddle fish caviar and they pronounce it, “not good at all.” There’s a homemade slip and slide, a toilet seat horsehshoe game, and a bobbing for pig’s feet contest. When the pig’s feet have all been bobbed, it’s time to cut the cake and… Emily has changed. They’re not cut offs, but she has changed into a spaghetti strap tank top and her favorite jeans. Hey, I’m not judging. I would have killed to have been able to get out of my cumbersome dress at my reception, but I was thinking more of a bridal suit, not my gardening attire.  I also have issues with their wedding cake. I’ve seen worse, but I expected more because Emily was a punk rocker, right?  Their wedding cake looks like someone sliced a tree into cross sections and propped them up on beer cans. Moose are kanoodling on top of the cake.  I’m disappointed. It’s not that it’s horrible, but I think Emily could have done better in terms of wedding cake edginess. It feels like she went the direction she did just to make him happy and I hate it when brides do that. It shifts the balance of power, and ladies, once it’s shifted it’s virtually impossible to get it back. S’all I’m sayin’. 

The reception ends and it’s gift time. Like the wedding cake it’s a bit of a letdown. Eric gives her a saddle which he unwraps for her. It’s for if she wants to go moose hunting with him. If, not when. She gets him a raccoon penis. From a raccoon she shot herself.

To be honest, this was not the best episode EVAH. Not even close.  However, I did learn that raccoons have an actual bone in their boners (as do seals and whales – but I’m not sure if any of them are actually made of ivory like Emily stated), and knowledge gained is never time wasted. Or whatever.

About Sassy

Absolutely average in every way.

27 responses »

  1. Hey! I would love to know how to make those roses out of barbed wire and the chew lids. Can ya help me out?

    Reply
  2. i just loved those copenhagen roses but i can’t find anywhere how to make them…could you gimme some pointers on how? i would love to use them for my up coming wedding!

    Reply
  3. courtneyryan369

    Thank you for recapping! I’ve actually seen those flowers out of barbed wire before at a flea market, i’m sure she didn’t think she was starting a craze when she was making them way back then!

    Who’d have thunk that those animals actually had bones in their boners…The things I learn from this show.

    Can’t wait for the next one…

    Reply
  4. hey im lookin at an art project for my school cuz my best friend was just killed in a car wreck a couple weeks ago and i saw you guys make a cope and barbed wire rose..he chewed cope snuff all the time..and i would love to know how to make that rose as a way of remembering him..so if you please could get back to me i would greatly appreciate it. thank you.

    Reply
  5. i was wondering where or how to get the copenhagen flowers?

    Reply
  6. I loved this episode . I would like to know how to make the copenhagen lid roses. My dad chews and I have a good colection of lids and that would be a project my mom can’t frown at.

    Reply
  7. i was wondering how to make the roses that they made.

    Reply
  8. i love the copenhagen roses. i would love to learn how to make them to use at my wedding. i was wondering if you could give me some help on how to do it.

    Reply
  9. First of all I would like to say whoever wrote this article has NO IDEA about what they are talking about!! I think they have copy and pasted bits and pieces of articles from other sites! First about the comment on how my men weren’t wearing camo…. All of my men and my husband we were wearing camo vests and ties! My girls were wearing camo lingerie with home made fabric covers to help make it look more formal. As for no hunting any where all of our centerpieces were made of Skull and Deer antlers not to mention we had a deer skull on the center of our archway! There are some pieces in this article that would have to be written by some one who was filming the show for EX. the first paragraph! I would also like to know how at the beginning our wedding went from the best episode to not even close the best episode. NOT EVEN CLOSE! Plus for the people who know me I don’t even grow arm pit hair! Most of the show was staged!!!! It has ruined T.V. for me I now pick everything apart on all the reality shows I watch!
    My wedding cake was MY IDEA I am allergic to Alcohol and I thought it would be fun to have a cake held up by beer cans. For the log slices I got the idea out of a wedding mag. I picked up in a michelles!

    Reply
  10. And yes Raccoon penises are made of ivory and I am not sure how many others are. If you would like to get ahold of me about the copenhagen roses feel free to email me at m_lee_lee@hotmail.com. I am not willing to tell you how we make them but we do sell them and if you donate a bunch of copenhagen lids we are happy to simple give them to you! I am so happy every one loved the roses!

    Reply
  11. Okay, this is the bride’s sister. You made a real dumb web-site. You contradict yourself at every turn and you can tell you ‘cut and paste’ from others. Everyone is entitiled to their own oppinion, but make up your mind. One minute it seams like you like the show, the next you hate it. Make up your mind, and use your own words. Oh, and by the way, the wedding cake was her idea, NOT Eric’s.

    Reply
  12. Would like information on how to make copenhagen roses.

    Reply
  13. hey that email dont work i would like to get a cople of them roses i can get the chew lids lord knows iv thrown away enough of them

    Reply
  14. hey my sister is getting married in june and i was telling her about those roses
    i was woundering if you could tell me how to make them

    Reply
  15. Copenhagen Roses — Google this (brazing roses)and you will get this——>

    http://www.lorainccc.edu/NR/rdonlyres/44351E7D-9251-44F0-8026-6BDD2897FE81/654/Roses.pdf

    Reply
  16. If you would like to order my roses please e-mail me at m _lee_lee @hotmail.com

    Reply
  17. How do you make those roses i would like to know?

    Reply
  18. I am not giving out how to make my roses I am sorry every one, however, Should you want to order some from me please e-mail me at m_ lee_ lee@hotmail.com

    Reply
  19. Ok well they say shes the prettiest girl on the show so far well its cause she aint even a real redneck she a fake. She didnt even want to be out in the cold fishin cause she whined like a lil wussy she a fake wanna be redneck. She isnt a real redneck and a country girl she is a fake wannabe…..

    Reply
  20. Amanda Radville

    my fiance and i are gettin married in june and he chews copenhagen like its goin outta style! so i would love to know how to make them! im hope to make them for centerpeices! i would greatly appreciate it if you could email me instructions!! Thanks alot!

    Reply
  21. Ok, I know this is crazy, but my brother-in-law saw your episode that said a raccoon penis is made of ivory. So when my other brother-in-law found a raccoon in the barn, they of course let curiosity get the best of them and took out the penis bone, boiled it and it looked like a piece of ivory.
    So was there quest for ivory a waste of time, or is it a fact that the penis bone of a raccoon is made of ivory?
    Curiously waiting in Wisconsin
    Sheri

    Reply
  22. the link above pretty much explains how to make them but for those of you that either dont have a torch or you’re not that handy with one i’ve got a way simpler way to do it……you have to have someone ‘pop’ the center out of the lids first of all….they can do this by placing the lid face down in their palm and just rotating it around and around and around eventually it pops out…you’ll then have a perfect circle (this takes some practice and i dont know any girls that can actually do this but my daddy does mine) a little tip though slightly bend the lid as you turn it….once you have your ‘center’ then you can drill or punch a hole in three of the centers….you do this so that you can JB Weld the stem to the rose…now i dont know the official way to make them but i’ll just tell you how i do it…i start with the center and i take some small tin snips and i cut into the center leaving about 1/16 of an inch from the hole…then i begin (with some jewelers plyers) to just roll the ‘petals’ into the center kind of tightly…that makes the center of the rose…then i cut into the second layer with the snips making the ‘petals’ a little bit bigger i then line up the holes and begin to bend up the ‘petals’ until they look like petals…(once you get the basics down you can get real creative and bend the edges back by using the tip of the plyers)…i then finish with the third center just the same way as the second one just bent out away from the center a little more than the second…make sure that your holes line up…Then you get some JB Weld from the hardware store and you just coat the barbed wire in the putty and push into the hole….let it sit and you’ve got your rose….if you need further explaination or if one part is not clear let me know and i’ll explain it better

    Reply
    • love to know how to make copenhagen lid roses…have tons of lids but no one to make flowers for my daughters wedding July 16th,2011 need 9 single roses. etc. I need some help from someone

      thanks Peggy Ost

      Reply
  23. Roses are still the best wedding flowers and also those Catleya orchids “”

    Reply

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