I nearly cried when I followed a link to this page . Before you go there I’ll be upfront and tell you that it won’t be sad to you – no dead/missing children/pregnant women or abused pets or foreclosures or diseases. It is, in fact, for this woman, a happy page. You know when someone does something that you desperately want to do but somehow never end up doing because you’re too inept or lazy or overwhelmed with other stuff or just plain (if you believe in luck and the lack of) unlucky? You know how you feel jealous and sad and not quite up to snuff? Well, that’s what I feel.
I don’t even know this woman, this Julie Kenner, but she? She got what I want (but you say he just a friend… biz markie 1987) , at least motivationally. Plus? I got that unpleasant rush of Heyyyyyyyy, I totally would’ve wanted to write that if I’d come up with the idea!! She stole an idea that I wanted to have!! Buffy the Vampire Slayer turns soccer mom?! Brilliant! And it could have been mine if only I’d thought of it!
Today’s been like that though. I woke up feeling jealous and petty and fat, and Jack, poor guy knew it from the moment he opened his bedroom brown eyeballs. “Ooh no,” he said.
“Oooh no,” he said again.
“I eat too much and I hate to exercise and I’m afraid to take Alli because I just know I’ll just Alli-oops in public and that’s the last thing I need.”
“It’s what all the cool kids are calling that pizza grease discharge that shoots out your ass when you least expect it.”
“I’m not even awake yet,” he said.
“It’s humiliating being fat,” I went on. “Skinny people don’t ever have to shit themselves in public.”
“It’s not even 9 yet,” he said.
“I’m just a fat, lazy loser with maggots in her basement.”
“You’re beautiful,” he said. “And I’d love you if you weighed – wait. How much do you weigh?”
He withered under my glare. “I’m sorry. I’m still waking up. I don’t know what I’m asking. You’re beautiful and you’ll always be beautiful to me.”
“Just not to other people,” I sniffed.
“I’m taking a shower,” he said, throwing the covers back.
“I’d join you, but I don’t think we’d both fit,” I called after him.
“Water’s on,” he yelled. “Can’t hear you. But I love you.”
I haven’t seen much of him today. I think he’s hiding from me. But the day didn’t improve because I found that site about the successful writer who not only had a full time job as a lawyer, but 2 kids and 3 cats as well and still managed to write and get her bramillion books published. Also? My feet hurt.