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Hey, hey, you, you, I don’t like The Suite Life

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Question: Does the skinny twin of the Sweet Life of Zak and Codie [sic and all that] realize that he’s gay yet? 

That would make for a very special Disney moment, don’t you think? There’d be humorous misunderstandings, his spikey headed, permissive mother would assure him that he could be Arwinn (her love soaked stalker/building maintanance geek) and she would still love him, and then Arwinn would overhear and wackiness would ensue. London would be excited to have a new shopping pal. Catholic, sensible Maddie would struggle with wanting to accept her babysitting charge but have a difficult time knowing that he would be eternally separated from God if he continued upon this alternative path. The chunky twin would try his hardest to prove that his brother was just confused, and finally Mr. Mosely (who would know) would set everyone down and ream them all for not realizing from day 1 that skinny twin was same sex oriented and then he’d yell at the hispanic door guy with 24 names because making fun of a different, darker culture? That my friends is comic gold!  And it would all be solved in 22 neat little minutes when skinny gay twin realizes that the guy he was crushing on was in Disney actuality a really ugly girl from Ukraine so YAY! Disney happy ending, he’s not gay at all, but everyone rushes to assure him that even if he were? (Which really, he sooo is) They’d love him as much as they do now. Except for Catholic Maddie because the church? It does not approve.

Also? I don’t understand how Disney can totally rip of The Odd Couple (Felix? Also gay) without anyone raising a stink, and yet poor, misundahstood, hard core punkgrrl from Eh-ville Avril gets burned for using hey, hey, you, you even though obviously The Rolling Stones called dibs and no one should ever ever ever be allowed to use the words hey and you without writing a check to Mick Jagger (And I’m lookin’ at you, too Rubinoos).


About Sassy

Absolutely average in every way.

One response »

  1. Could you rework That’s So Raven for me?


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