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The faster Friday approaches

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The faster Friday approaches, the less I want Lizzie Borden and Slow Stop Guy to visit. I’m not sure I can take the pressure you see of cleaning my house to her bi-polarbear standards.  I’m not by nature tidy and it goes even more against my grain to perform regular deep cleanings. Things like scrubbing baseboards, wiping down cabinets, or mopping usually only happen when my visiting mother gets grossed out and does it herself. And no, I have no problem with a 65 year old woman scrubbing my kitchen linoleum. She likes it because it gives her something to lecture me on. That’s me, disappointing mothers since 1969!

But yeah, what are we going to talk about? Lizzie and I had Jack and Howie’s family in common and that was pretty much it. She thinks she’s fascinating, and I guess to someone who isn’t hip to her game (heh… hip. ’cause I’m the bee’s knees), or to someone in whom she doesn’t have a vested interest in snowing,  she just might be. She’s like one of those Jim Jones charismatic leaders who seems to have all the answers but ultimately forces her followers to drink poisoned kool*aid. She speaks with authority, she honestly does sound like she cares about you and your feelings. You want to believe her. You want to trust her and so you open up to her, and then it bites you in the ass. Must be on my guard. Must smile politely and offer up nothing that can (and will) be used against me yet still share enough to get the juicey stuff from her. Quid pro quo, Clarice.

I’m not sure I want to hear about how things are TERRIFIC now that wife #2 is gone. I’m guessing that it must be awkward , the whole watching your ex marry someone else so quickly after the divorce. It must make you feel… I don’t know. She didn’t want the divorce, so I’m sure she must feel some sort of ownership of Howie’s heart, you know? And now that Gloria Swanson is no more she might feel like she has the best of both worlds. Both her men! Together. Howie on her couch, SSG in her bed. And they’re just buddies! Howie and SSG talk often on the phone. Best friends forever!

If I were SSG I might worry.


About Sassy

Absolutely average in every way.

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