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Well this is new

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I was awakened at 4:15 a.m. by the sound of our bedroom door being inched open. Still in clutches of whatever I’d been dreaming it took me a few moments to understand that the being standing next to my bed dressed in white was in fact my daughter and not a ghost. Because I do believe in those things, ooh yeeeesss.  She was talking to me, but my comprehension of the words coming out of her mouth was seriously marred because hello? 4:15 a.m.. Also because the way the hall light glinted in her right eye gave her a distinct demon in human child form vibe, which, to my sleep deprived mind meant nothing good. (I’ve seen The Exorcist. I know the score.) She must have repeated herself three or four times and I’m sure I repeated it just as much until it sank in that she had wet her sister’s bed.

I want to know why they don’t go and loom over their father’s side of the bed when stuff like this happens. “Mom,  I think I’m going to throw uuuuuuh-*splat.” “Mom, my nose won’t stop bleeding. *drip* *drip* drip*” “Mom, this cough I have flings spit everywhere! *splat*” I think it’s time they share the love! Who’s with me?! 

But I digress.

So yes, a child who isn’t my pre-schooler not only wet the bed, but wet her sister’s bed. Which meant 1, that they were both awake. While one of them -the wetter – would fall back into an easy slumber, the other would more than likely stay awake until late tonight (when with the help of Carol Ann the nanny and assistant, I strap her to her bed and demand she sleep without mussing the satin coverlet) because she WOULD NOT sleep in her sister’s room where here sister sleeps on the top bunk because there was a chance that it would happen again and it might leak! Also, she threw up in there like 5 months ago and she can still SMELL it! And why can’t you just let me sleep in the study?! I won’t get on Webby*kinz world. I won’t!!! WHY DON’T YOU EVER LET ME DO ANYTHING I WANT TO DO?!!  It also meant that now I have to worry that since she’s given her body permission to let loose while she sleeps that it might become a trend. Nay! A habit. A habit that will surely eat at her self-esteem and our water bill.  It also meant that I had to clean the mattress. At 4:20 in the morning.

In my defense it was 4:20 in the morning. That’s a.m., people. I was a little groggy and still not entirely convinced that I wasn’t dealing with a demon who’d possessed my daughter’s body, but demon or not, I knew that if I didn’t take immediate cleaning action that the smell of concentrated pee would forever be woven into the fiber of the mattress, and if there’s one thing we don’t need, it’s an upstairs that smells like piss. So I did what anyone else would do. I grabbed my bottle of Urine B Gone (for pets and kids!) and sprayed like a mad woman. Except it wasn’t Urine B Gone (for pets and kids!) it was my vinegar and water mixture that I use for windows. I totally pickled her mattress.

My pee-daughter had by that time gone to her own room and was nestled comfortably in her dry, urine free, un-pickled mattress, but her sister? Was flipping the f*ck out! “We’ll have to burn it! It smells sooooo bad! Like pickles and pee! This room is tainted! I’m never sleeping in here again!!” She was still going strong when I gave up caring about where she slept or even if she slept and urine stains in expensive mattresses and turned off her light and returned to my own bed. Where Jack was sleeping soundly. Typical.

So yeah, this is new. Like I said, part of me worries that this bed wetting might become habit, or signal something that will guarantee and Lifetime movie, but I’m thinking that maybe it could have happened because she’s exhausted after a summer of non-stop action and late nights. An earlier bedtime should put an end to it, right?

Please tell me I’m right.


About Sassy

Absolutely average in every way.

2 responses »

  1. This is a good thing – cuts down on premarital sex. What guy is gonna sleep with a pee – er?

  2. The wrong kind, that’s who!


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