I know conventional wisdom says that a soothing bedtime ritual of bath, jammies, teeth, book, bed, prayers, self-dimming lights and white noise, is the way to go, but that’s not how we roll here. I’m pretty sure I’m losing mommy points by admitting this, but by bedtime, I’m finished. I haven’t the patience really to check the chompers or add that soothing lavender crap to the warm, relaxing bath I’ve theoretically drawn for my apple-cheeked and yawning child. Bedtime is pretty much me saying, “Wow! It’s past 8. Bedtime!” and then I grab her shirt before she gets away, wrestle on a fresh diaper, then throw her over my shoulder. She pretty much kicks and protests the whole ride up the stairs. I put her in bed, and if she’s not kicking too much I’ll pull the blankets up. Then I run to the door so I can close it before she can get there and escape into the hall.
So there it is. I don’t parent my kid to sleep. I don’t read stories. I don’t do prayers. I don’t entertain requests for water nor do I search the house for suddenly favorite cuddlies she just can’t sweep wifout. I say, “goodnightIloveyou,” as I’m pulling her blankets up, and then whooosh! Like the FLASH! I’m gone. *
Same thing for the older girls, except I don’t carry them, and I don’t race to the door. I say, “Go to bed,” and they say, “We’re not tired!” and I say, “I don’t care. Mommy’s finished. Go to bed.” And they’re all, “But -” And I’m all,
, “Beeeeeeed time! It’s beeeeeeeed time! I love! Bed time!!” And they’re all, “Never do that in front of our friends!”
Usually I’ll go up after 1/2 an hour and yell at them to turn off their lights. My oldest will grumble about not being tired and claim that she has to rearrange her furniture or fold her panties into specific little packages and brush her teeth doIwantthemtofalloutGOSH! My middle girl will put her bookmark in, request a kiss and a hug and a fresh glass of water (because she’s already brushed her teeth), and snuggle down in her blankets. I’m afraid she’s going to be the one who gives us fits in her teen years.
Still in the end sweet slumber is theirs and my much anticipated ME TIME begins. I have mentioned that I. LOVE. BED TIME. haven’t I? Because I do. I really, really do.