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Judge not I guess…

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A few months ago my prayers were answered and my neighbors from hell moved alllll the way to this whole other state (I sent letters warning as many residents of that state as I could), and the new neighbors … didn’t move in. They bought the house, and it’s been 2 months and they’re at least 2 or 3 times a week, but they just. haven’t. moved. in. And it’s weirding me out.

I get the whole let’s take our time and paint and spackle and carpet and get it just right before we transfer our lives. I’d probably do the same thing if I had the opportunity, but it just seems off. Or maybe it’s just that way to a person who thrives on instant gratification. That’d be me.

Another thing that I find off-putting? The witnessing.

I know, I know, it’s not very PC of me. It seems we’ve gone from hell spawn to Apostolic. It’s not that they’ve engaged me in the “have you accepted the Lawrd Jesus as your personal savior?” conversation, because they haven’t. But it’s just… just… and how do I say this without offending?  It’s just that I prefer my religion on major holidays and I prefer that my conversations not be seasoned with ‘praise jesus’ or ‘hallejuiah.’ Because that makes me uncomfortable. Because -well, I have my reasons. 

You know what else kinda makes me uncomfortable? Aside from the husband’s perma-smile? That I’ve never seen the wife or daughter or any other female visitor in anything but a denim skirt.  I’m not sure why, but I feel judged because of my shorts, slacks, short hair, and cleavage that the magazines tell me I must make the most of to draw people’s eyes away from my double chins. Jack assures me that according to his research (hey, know thy neighbor, right?) we are being judged, and that while he’s fine, the girls and I are doooomed. According the their teachings woman who drink and swear and cut their hair (heh. That rhymed) aren’t fit to be mothers of men. *

Damn. I’m screwed.

I might maybe should have been careful what I asked for. Or I might just make a new best friend. It should be interesting to see how this plays out.

*there is a whole shit load of stuff that I have issues with, most of it being that the decline of humanity is the woman’s fault.


About Sassy

Absolutely average in every way.

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