So this past Mother’s Day Jack gave me his credit card and graciously offered to watch the kids while I went to the mall. To buy him an outdoor speaker. On Mother’s Day. For him.
But hey, I was alone, I wasn’t spending my money, and I was purchasing something other than groceries so I happily and readily agreed and off to the nearest Br00k*stone I went. I returned a few hours later with a RIGHTEOUS outdoor speaker. He loved it. It was perfect. Weather resistant, shaped like a suppository, white and wireless….
Sometime in the last few weeks it stopped working. Turns out weather-resistant isn’t the same thing as weather-proof. Jack had an uncharacteristic tantrum, and as I’m wont to do when I’m not sure exactly who left it out, but am fairly certain I wasn’t the guilty part, I blamed either the girls or him. Surprisingly that didn’t help him cope with his loss. He sulked a fair portion of the night and muttered unflattering things about “never having anything nice,” and “white trash at heart,” and “$180 shot to hell.” Dinner wasn’t pleasant.
This morning I was awakened out of a terrifying dream where it was my 20th class reunion and they were just getting ready to announce everyone’s weight by Jack getting in my face and whispering, “Br00k*stone has a 1 year warranty! All you need is the receipt.” I pried open one sleep sealed eye. “I’m pretty sure I don’t have that anymore.” He looked a little crestfallen. “You need to find it. You’ll find it,” he asserted confidently then kissed me and la-la-la’ed off to work.
When I finally made it to the kitchen for that first shot of Mt. Dew I saw that he’d stacked his speaker box, the warranty statement, a printout of his credit card statement proving nothing except that on Mother’s Day we spent $180 at Br00k*stone, and the speaker itself. Obviously he expects me to take care of this. EVEN THOUGH NONE OF THIS IS MY FAULT. I wasn’t the one who forgot to bring it inside. I didn’t know that I was supposed to be securing knowledge of its whereabouts when the monsoon came through. All I know is that the rain finally stopped and I looked out the window, spotted the speaker that He’d forgotten to bring in, and thought, “Huh. I’ll bet that won’t work anymore.”
So today I’m going to the mall with 4 children (well, counting Olivia, 16) to try to talk the fine people at Br00k*stone into a replacement. Doesn’t that just sound like the opposite of fun?!