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Did you hear the trumpets and choirs of angels?

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The other day people woke up at the ass crack of dawn and drove from miles around to witness something akin to the 2nd coming.

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They had been talking about it for weeks. After years of waiting and wondering, “Will it ever come?” everything came together. The signs were in place.  Thursday morning, 10:00 a.m., the crowd swelled with anticipation and dare I say rapture?

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And finally, finally, the chains were thrown off and the doors opened. Hallelujah! As prophecized, It. Had. Come.

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To Furniture Fair I said, “Let my people go!” To Value Shitty I said, “Let my people go!” To Verbargs I said, “Let my people go!” To Target and Walmart and TJ MaXX, “We will no longer be slaves to your discounted accessories!”

We in the mid-west have been SAVED, and our god is Swedish.

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About Sassy

Absolutely average in every way.

4 responses »

  1. Um, I’ll take your Target, we don’t have one. Or a Kroger. Or a lot of other neat-o places. Sigh.

    Reply
  2. Yes, but you do have a neato 50s type diner with excellent fries.

    Reply
  3. We’ve had our Ikea for a few years now and I’ve still never been. People laugh me out of the room when I admit it…

    Reply
  4. Overwhelming. Lots of yellow and blue. Meatballs. Small furniture. Great prices on duvet covers for kids’ twins ($20 for a duvet and pillowcase) and great prices on stuffed animals (the cool kind – dragons and snakes). I think it’s one of those stores where you have to know exactly what you’re looking for before you even go because otherwise? Overwhelming.

    Reply

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