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Did you hear the trumpets and choirs of angels?

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The other day people woke up at the ass crack of dawn and drove from miles around to witness something akin to the 2nd coming.


They had been talking about it for weeks. After years of waiting and wondering, “Will it ever come?” everything came together. The signs were in place.  Thursday morning, 10:00 a.m., the crowd swelled with anticipation and dare I say rapture?


And finally, finally, the chains were thrown off and the doors opened. Hallelujah! As prophecized, It. Had. Come.


To Furniture Fair I said, “Let my people go!” To Value Shitty I said, “Let my people go!” To Verbargs I said, “Let my people go!” To Target and Walmart and TJ MaXX, “We will no longer be slaves to your discounted accessories!”

We in the mid-west have been SAVED, and our god is Swedish.


About Sassy

Absolutely average in every way.

4 responses »

  1. Um, I’ll take your Target, we don’t have one. Or a Kroger. Or a lot of other neat-o places. Sigh.

  2. Yes, but you do have a neato 50s type diner with excellent fries.

  3. We’ve had our Ikea for a few years now and I’ve still never been. People laugh me out of the room when I admit it…

  4. Overwhelming. Lots of yellow and blue. Meatballs. Small furniture. Great prices on duvet covers for kids’ twins ($20 for a duvet and pillowcase) and great prices on stuffed animals (the cool kind – dragons and snakes). I think it’s one of those stores where you have to know exactly what you’re looking for before you even go because otherwise? Overwhelming.


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