Jack and I FINALLY had the date night I had been bugging him for for a month. A month people. I am nothing if not persistent. You WILL love me and you WILL give me some attention or I WILL stomp about the castle in a fit and post nasty things about you on my February mother’s forum. I’m just sayin’.
Because I am easy and because Jack’s mother had agreed to keep the girls at their place, but mostly because I wanted to pretend we were in college again and I’m easy, we had a reverse date. Sex first – before we were tired. Before the children returned. But mostly before we were too tired. Thank God, because after our date? We were exhausted from all the fun and were in bed, lights out, animated zzzzzs coming from our slack mouths by 9:00.
Because Ikea was too damn crowded and because we had a few hours to kill before our movie Jack and I went to the mall to people watch and check out Spencer’s. Y’all, we’re old because we had to leave Spencer’s because it was just too… offensive? (Says the people who had sex before NOON!) I remember when I had to walk to the mall up hill, both ways, when the sex toys and games were in this tiny corner in the back and everything else was just dumb, mild, fun stuff. Yeah, you might have run into a Chippendale’s calendar up front near the registers, but most of the stuff was strobe lights, The Simpson’s t-shirts, posters of the Grateful Dead, and feathers with these cute little clips on the end so you could attach them to your cowboy hats and be all Suburban Cowboy. Um, it’s not like that anymore. I guess I like my sexual paraphernalia a little more hidden, a little more taboo, a little more separated by the red velvet curtain, but I was a little embarrassed to be caught eyeing a penis shaped cookie cutter and cock rings by a 14 year old kid.
We went to Poppadeaux’s (only the best restaurant EVER if you like seafood, which I DO!) for lunch. HIGHLY recommend the Pasta Mardi Gras – big shrimp, lobster chunks, andioulle sausage… Neptune heaven in a bowl. Both of us were very glad after the fact that we’d eaten before the movie – because the movie? Oh. My. God.
Doomsday is Mad Max with a teaspoon of Resident Evil and a dash of Excalibur thrown in. Have I mentioned the blood and just general carnage? Much money was spent on the fake blood is all I’m sayin’. Oh, and Bob Hoskins played the police chief so I kept anticipating Roger Rabbit and since it was only us and 10 other people in the theater I kept saying, “pppppp Pa PWEEEZE!” and Jack kept elbowing me and hissing for me to shut up. But the movie? I enjoyed it. It was no I Am Legend, but it was fun. And gory. And a little disturbing. And I had to leave when the punk rock tribe roasted one of Rhona Mitra’s crew and well… consumed him. But other than that, there was a lot to laugh at – intentional or not. It also left us with a lot of unanswered questions – like, gee, I thought it hurt more when your eyeball was shot out. That is one tough little girl. And, why exactly did Cally of the Excalibur camp go into the city to get her lunatic brother the punk rock king Sol? And, should we be laughing at Malcolm McDowell? Also, If the cows have overtaken the country, why are they cannibals? Does gas go bad or evaporate or whatever after 25 years? And, Is that Two Tribes by Frankie Goes to Hollywood? How awesome is that?! And, why exactly did Rhona Mitra return to the punk rock camp? Was she going to let them kill her? Was she going to be their leader? Was it just to prove a point? Also, Why did they show me that? I don’t need to see that. What is that? Is that pork? Oh. It’s not pork.
So yeah… Doomsday. Go see it if you’re in the mood for gross, fast-paced, apocalyptic fun with a lead who looks a lot like Kate Beckinsale. Be warned though. Roger Rabbit was a no show.
Then we didn’t go get desert as planned because we’d just seen a rabbit blown up (not Roger – THANK GOD) and a cow crushed and just a whole bunch of stuff that sucked away our appetite. Instead of desert I dragged Jack through Ikea. We bought 6 drinking glasses and a night light for Olivia. Otherwise Jack was unimpressed. Still, it was together time and we held hands and talked about stuff and just generally enjoyed each other, so I’m not complaining that he does not understand the allure of cheap, flimsy, Swedish design.
Then, like I said, we gathered our brood and were out by 9. Because we’re old.