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Because Doctor Oz (NOT YOU, O-PRAH) asked me to

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It used to be that I’d jump on any Oprah bandwagon. You want me to read, Oprah? I’ll read. You want me to help the less fortunate? I’ll do that to. You want me to think Dr. Phil is the next best thing? I am all over that, girlfriend. Who doesn’t need a good dose of “like it is?” But then something happened to Oprah and she and I broke up. I don’t know. She changed. It was subtle, but palpable, like she was no longer connected to how things really work for people who don’t run their own multi-media empires. Like when she and BFF Gayle drove across the US so they could live like the yokles and camp out with their production staff in five star hotels? I’m sorry, but showing Oprah pump her own gas like jus folk do sort of backfired when she said, “I never do this anymore. Is this how much gas costs?!” (Or something similar.)

ANYWAY, the point is, Oprah and I broke up for a while and I stopped taking her calls, reading her suggested books and caring about that school she started. Then she got bored with Dr. Phil and brought in Dr. Oz and the whole world and I fell in love with Dr. “I know way more than you about EVERYTHING” Oz. Myself included. AND because Dr. Mehmet Oz told me to cut out soda for 2 weeks, I am cutting out soda for 2 weeks. If I do nothing but cut out soda?  For a year? I’ll lose 15 pounds.


This is gonna be hard y’all. I don’t keep soda in the house because I LOVE IT. I would drink it ALL THE TIME. I only order it when we dine out/drive thru, but that’s like an alcoholic saying, “I only drink when I smoke. Hand me a cigarette.”  It’s a problem. If we dine in then I’m pretty sure my glass is refilled three or four times.  Did I mention that I LOVE my soda? If my love for soda were people? It’d be China. That’s how much I love it.

However, because I trust Dr. Oz and I believe him when he says that by dropping my lovah I’ll lose 15 pounds? I’ll drop my lovah.



About Sassy

Absolutely average in every way.

3 responses »

  1. Back in the day when I switched from regular soda to diet I lost 10 lbs, so 15 doesn’t sound unreasonable. But I have since made up for it with other refinded sugars. 😉

  2. Oh you’ve probably thought about this already but how about switching to plain seltzer? I know… I know… I hated it too because I was a soda freak, but now it’s nearly the only thing I drink (I even have a seltzer maker in my house now) and I have a *real* soda maybe once or twice a year.

  3. I’m skeered. Does it taste like Alka-seltzer?


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