The other day I had a stress test done at our cardiac unit. Ever have one? I’ll tell you how mine went if you tell me how yours went.
I got up early because I couldn’t sleep because stress test and ohmigahd am I seriously here worrying about my heart I’m only 38 1/2 years old! I had 2 boiled eggs sans yellow part and a glass of skim milk. Hey, it’s what I eat for breakfast. Don’t judge me. Then I sat down at my kitchen table and contemplated how it is that I let myself get so out of control and hey there kitty kitty did we remember to feed you yesterday? I’m easily distracted.
So anyway, I arrived at the cardiac center with my magazine and my book because as the nurses told me, it’s a hurry up and wait situation. A very nice nurse named Melly inserted an i.v. on the first try (my veins are crap – fat and rolly) gave me a radiation** injection and a glass of water and told me to read my magazine for an hour when she’d be back to take my picture. So that’s what I did.
An hour passed and true to her word Melly came back and escorted me to another nurse who was very technical and non-smiling. I was told to lay down on this table thing and my boobs were bound so they wouldn’t cast a shadow on mon coeur and a rubber band was put around my feet so they wouldn’t fall off the pillow. I was also instructed to put my hands above my head and DO NOT MOVE OR WE HAVE TO START IT ALL OVER AGAIN AND NO ONE WANTS THAT. So I lay there and was moved into position where this big THING rotated around me for 25 minutes while I wondered if breathing was considered moving.
After that I was taken to the exercise room where Melly and I were reunited. She introduced me to Lauren and the treadmill and then lifted my boob a lot as she attached things to me and then attached those things to the machine Lauren was sitting at. Then I had to lay down at the gurney for a few minutes to give them a base reading. Then I had to get on the treadmill and walk uphill until I had a heart attack and died. Not really, but I did have to walk a pretty brisk pace on a rather uncomfortable incline until my heart rate hit 155. It took about 10 minutes. During that I was injected with more radioactive material** and then sent back to the big machine for more home heart movies. It only took 15 minutes the second time and I was informed that I dozed off because I moved and NOBODY WANTED THAT DON’T YOU LISTEN?! but it must not have been that bad because they let me get dressed and leave and that was that.***
**I’m still waiting for my spidey abilities to kick in.
***Results to follow sometime this week.