See, the thing with me is that I tend to fall in love with my gynecologist but it never lasts. We’ll eventually have a falling out and I rend my paper towel garment (from the waist down) and eventually rebound with another (i.e. closer) gyno-guy, but this time ladies? I think this one will stick! OMG is he hawt!! Way hawter even than the doctor who delivered Olivia (who was way, way cute [the doctor, but this also applies to my child]), and even hawter – okay, I’m stopping that now – hotter I mean, than my accented, latino stud who delivered Amy. (The nurse who delivered Amelia was not so much hot as she was a woman so, in this context doesn’t really count.) Also, and this is a big one, he is a specialist: an oncologist.
Four weeks ago I started spotting which, great, you know? I wasn’t going to have to buy a pregnancy test because I was a month or so late, and a baby at this stage of the game is not in the plans. (Nor is it really possible given that Jack? He has no more of the swimmers. Still, odder things have happened.) A week later the pink spotting had turned to old muck but no actual flow. The muck lasted a week and finally the flow started and kept going and going and going. It was the annoying drum beating bunny of periods. A week into the flow I made an appointment.
I’d love to keep the love affair metaphor going, but the long and short of it is probably I have a polyp or fibroid, but we’re not taking any chances given that I have some high risk factors for endometrial cancer: (1) I’m obese ( but not as obese as I was a month ago!) (2) I started my period before age 12 (3) I had problems conceiving my children (4) I have irregular and missed periods due to my (5) PCOS or PolyCystic Ovarian Syndrome and (6) heavy/long periods and/or unexplained bleeding. I feel blessed that I just happened to get placed with this doctor when I called and said, “Oh, I don’t care who I see. I just need an appointment ASAP.”
I had an ultrasound which, like I said, revealed a polyp or fibroid. The ultrasound was not horrible despite the use of the dildo cam, a catheter inserted through my cervix, some sort of water balloon thing, party streamers, and quite possibly a clown making balloon animals in my uterus. There was cramping afterwards, but nothing my buddy Pam*Prin and I couldn’t handle. In a few days I will get a call to schedule the outpatient procedure that will remove the polyp/fibroid and lining. In a few weeks I will get the result of my pap (we want a letter, NOT a call!). And in a few weeks after that I will find out from the biopsy of poly/fibroid/lining if I have cancer or not. Again, we want a letter, NOT a call.