I’m all about the sharing, people. If I find a good deal, I want you to, too. So today, I treated The Twerp to lunch at the Burger Monarch because I found a book of Burger Monarch coupons in my workout bag – which, weird, right? Workout bag =’s fast food? ANYWAY, I tore off the page that had kids meals for 99 cents with the purchase of a value meal and buy a chicken tender value meal get a free chicken tender sandwich and we crossed the intersection and proceeded to order. Behind us was a man and his so cute I could eat him son – he was ordering a kids meal and I was all “WAIT! I have a COUPON!! But you need to order a value meal to use the coupon, so, order a value meal.” And he totally did. He might have been happy with a dry hamburger off the value menu, but NO. I, with my amazing powers of persuasion, made him eat what I wanted him to eat. THEN an elderly gentleman walked through the doors. He stood for a moment staring at the menu. I approached him and asked him if he’d found Jesus decided what he wanted, because perhaps I could sway him with MY COUPON!! Bonus sandwich!! Dinner!!! For the price of ONE VALUE MEAL!! “Well,” he said, not tearing his eyes away from the Original Chicken Sandwich value meal, “What I want probably isn’t good for my cholesterol anyway. I really should eat something a little healthier.” He took the coupon, then thanked me for providing him dinner as well. I probably saved his life.
THEN!! The Twerp and I were having an educational conversation about how food goes doooooown thewater slide, into the pool, through the laaaaaaaaaaaazy river, down another water slide and into another pool, and a group of well… whatever Elder Jacob and Elder Christian and Elder Daniel Elder Edward are sat at the table beside us. They hadn’t ordered yet. I got excited. I had one coupon left. Could I do it? Could I convince one of the young Elders that he wanted a .99 kids meal with the purchase of a value meal? I politely interrupted their conversation and asked if I could have a moment of their time to talk about Janus the God of Chaos any of them could use my coupon seeing as how I know they must be on a budget and all and probably extra hungry because of all the bike riding they do. Elder Christian looked mightily interested. “See,” I explained. “If you buy a value meal… for 99 cents more you could get more fries, and either a cheeseburger, chicken tenders, hamburger, or macaroni and cheese, as well as another drink. That means that in the spirit of brotherhood, you’d have more to share.” Oh, yes I did. And Elder Chris did.
I left Burger Monarch feeling very, very good. But now? I’m feeling very, very, very much like my mother, a woman who lives to hand out coupons and advice and has yet to meet a stranger she doesn’t try to control help in some way.