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What. thehell. is this?

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So this a.m. around 2:50 I was awoken by an itch so powerful that I frackin’ nearly cried.  I mean, yowza y’all! My right foot was en fuego (which I think might be close to spanish for on fire) from my pinky toe to the extra-long toe next to my thumb toe. I scritched and scratched at that mo’fo until I broke the skin and that bish did not relent. I pulled myself out of bed and stumbled into the bathroom where I rooted through the linen closet  john-lennon1 blindly for some tough actin’ Tenactin  – which we didn’t have so I grabbed some Vickx Vapor Rub. Because I don’t think well at 3:00 a.m.. You haven’t lived, people, until you’ve smeared fresh and bloody scratches with Vickx.  Try it. You’ll like it.

Holy crap holy-crap1 y’all. I wanted to sort of die a little. The pain. The P-HAIN!!!

But yeah… apparently I have athlete’s foot, and now even though I’ve washed off the Vickx my toes feel a little… gooey.  How did this happen? I haven’t been in any locker rooms. I’m NOT an athlete. I alternate between three pairs of tennis shoes – never wearing the same pair two days in a row.  I’m clean, dammit!

The most important question though, HOW DO I GET RID OF IT AND HOW LONG WILL IT TAKE??????

Unclean!!! Unclean!!!!!


About Sassy

Absolutely average in every way.

4 responses »

  1. Does Jack go to a gym? He may have carried that nasty fungus to your home shower/bathroom floor. 😛 Go buy some Lotrimin and get that nasty stuff cleared up!

  2. he he he you need an anti-fungal!

  3. Did the Vicks work or you had to try a different antifungal? Is your athlete’s foot still itching?

    • The Vicks did not work, but the generic antifungal cream worked. My hobbit feet are back to their unitchy loveliness. Thanks for asking :).

      Vicks, however, does work to do away with the nasty fungus that attaches itself to your toenail when you visit those mass mani/pedi shops in the mall. (You’ve seen the commercial – where the gross fungus creature lifts up the toenail and cackles?)


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