So this a.m. around 2:50 I was awoken by an itch so powerful that I frackin’ nearly cried. I mean, yowza y’all! My right foot was en fuego (which I think might be close to spanish for on fire) from my pinky toe to the extra-long toe next to my thumb toe. I scritched and scratched at that mo’fo until I broke the skin and that bish did not relent. I pulled myself out of bed and stumbled into the bathroom where I rooted through the linen closet blindly for some tough actin’ Tenactin – which we didn’t have so I grabbed some Vickx Vapor Rub. Because I don’t think well at 3:00 a.m.. You haven’t lived, people, until you’ve smeared fresh and bloody scratches with Vickx. Try it. You’ll like it.
Holy crap y’all. I wanted to sort of die a little. The pain. The P-HAIN!!!
But yeah… apparently I have athlete’s foot, and now even though I’ve washed off the Vickx my toes feel a little… gooey. How did this happen? I haven’t been in any locker rooms. I’m NOT an athlete. I alternate between three pairs of tennis shoes – never wearing the same pair two days in a row. I’m clean, dammit!
The most important question though, HOW DO I GET RID OF IT AND HOW LONG WILL IT TAKE??????