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I think he’s doing it wrong.

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To get to my home you drive by a sheep and goat farm and then a cow farm. I don’t know what else to call it even though it’s not a farm. It’s more like where cows hang out. There’s a barn, the cows stand around in a muddy field looking bored or mildly interested in the goats and sheep across the street.  It’s a treat because all the heifers have calved (like I even know what that means. I think I just made it up.) and there are all these knobby kneed calves standing around looking bored and alternatively envious of the sheep. The sheep and goats have also birthed their… litters? Youngins? Mini-mes? Cute doesn’t even begin to describe.

Did you know that sheep have long tails? I did not until I saw one with a few rubber bands wrapped around it and the sheep guy explained that in a few weeks the tails would just drop off.  He said they got used to how it felt, but I was all how do you know? And we weren’t invited back.

ANYWAY, today my middle kid and I were driving past the fields and all the cows were standing around looking bored – except for two. One of them looked confused and the other one looked… intense. Focused, you might say.

“Mom!” Middle kid gasped. “Did you see that cow?!”

I assured her that I had.

“What was he doing?”

We are not shy in our household or in our van. “I think he was trying to bowm chicca bowm bowooom bow,” I explained.

“I’m like not an expert or anything,” she said, straining her neck to watch the boy cow valiantly humping the girl cow’s head.  “But I think he’s doing it wrong.”


**Do yourself a favor and don’t google image “cow sex.”


About Sassy

Absolutely average in every way.

3 responses »

  1. When I was a blushing new teacher, 23 yrs of age, and full of all the vigor and idealism of imparting knowledge to young people, a sweet faced cherobic boy came pounding out of science class after his first lessson in sexual reproduction and upon encountering me (his history teacher) and his science teacher talking in the hallway, skipped up and in all the seriousness of sheltered naivety announced that he was confused, “cows couldn’t reproduce sexually, because they don’t lay down to sleep”! Said boy is now a married man, but I haven’t heard he has any children yet – still confused I guess.

    • Quote from boy/man, “I don’t know how much more of that stuff she has to drink before we get pregnant!”


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