1) I very rarely nap. With Olivia it simply isn’t a possibility. Unsupervised, she gets creative. Plus, it throws my internal clock off even worse than it is and I wind up staying up even later. If I’m felled by the mighty migraine (I get two or three a year), I nap. If I’m sick with strep or flu, I’ll nap. But mid-afternoon siestas aren’t my typical indulgences. So people who know me should know that if I’m napping and the above criteria aren’t the culprits then I’m PRETTY FUCKING TIRED and probably need the rest. I’m not sleeping to make your life more miserable, I’m sleeping so that I don’t start petty fights, or crash the van, or put rat poison in your coffee by mistake. Silly stuff like that. Although? If you insist upon barging into our room with the sweeper just because you think I’m being lazy and then throw some ‘tude at me? I might be tempted not to nap at all and let you deal with the consequences – I hear law suits are fun, especially when pedestrians are involved.
2) I realize that some people prefer living in a very orderly environment. I realize that you are one of those people, although before we were married and well into our marriage you were NOT. Because of this I really do strive to keep our home tidy. Sometimes though, I DON’T FEEL LIKE DOING ONE MORE THING THAT IS GOING TO GET IMMEDIATELY UNDONE. Sometimes I simply want to BE and not have to worry about your delicate sensibilities and I’d like to do it without being judged, thankyouverymuch. Surely experience has taught you that eventually our home will be cleaned, the laundry will be finished, and the cat box will be emptied. Yes, by all means offer to help, but STOP trying to MAKE A POINT by going all martyr on my ass.
3) With you being gone on a business trip I was actually starting to think about all the kinky stuff I’d like to do to you when you returned. See points 1 and 2 to understand why NONE of that is going to happen.