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Because they want to kill me

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I don’t think my family likes me very much. Oh, they pretend to with all the hugs and kisses and nice words, but I think that when my back is turned they make the “talk talk talk” gestures with their hands and cross their eyes and stick out their tongues.

We all know that I am riddled with anxiety (see: TIMES, END OF. Also: NO BASEMENT, TORNADOS). These are my triggers to upset stomachs, heart palps, cold sweats, sleepless nights, and anxiously glancing at the sky to make sure that the 4 horsemen/tornados aren’t touching down. A LOVING family would avoid these topics.  A NURTURING family would shield me and nod understandingly as I bleat out, “It’s the inability to protect my children that makes it all so horrible!”

My family? Last night they rented this:



And they call me spiteful.


About Sassy

Absolutely average in every way.

8 responses »

  1. Ohhhhhh…is that the movie with the code/dates? It FREAKED me out and I don’t even care about that sort of stuff. I can only imagine….

  2. This shit-ass movie was recently rented at our homestead – I was simularily disturbed and I don’t have those fears either

  3. ps it is kinda funny to see you squirm with the anxieties – so maybe that was the real entertainment they were looking for secretly

  4. Hey, just finely chop up some mushrooms and hide it in their food! Then tell them when they’re finished. That’ll teach em! 🙂 I really want to see that movie. It TOTALLY freaked out Kat!

    • Oh man. With the numbers and everything… y’all can watch it and mock our concern. Kat and I will be researching Native American counting games.

      • or finish memorizing the periodic table for fun. she’s up to element 56. try not to be overwhelmed with excitement. 🙂

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